You may have seen my other idiot cookie recipe. This one uses almond butter instead of peanut butter.

Ingredients

• 1 cup MaraNatha Almond Butter
• 1 cup Granulated Splenda
• 1 egg

Directions

• Mix all the ingredients together using a mixer. The resulting consistency will be a bit dry.
• Use a small scoop to produce 11 dough balls (I couldn't get 12 out of it), and place on a cookie sheet
• Bake for 350°f. for 15 minutes
• Press down on the cooked cookies lightly with a fork to squish them down a bit and put that nice fork pattern. Hm. Maybe I should have done this before cooking them. Whatever.

According to my nutritional info calculations, MaraNatha almond butter has 3 net carbs (total carbs minus dietary fiber) per two tablespoons. One egg has two carbs. One cup has sixteen tablespoons. Granulated Splenda has "zero" carbs per tablespoon, but I'm going to guess "zero" means "just under a half", so I'll say it has eight carbs. Calculations come up with what, 24 + 2 + 8 = 34. 34 / 11 = 3.09. So, each cookie has about 3 net carbs.

So how do they taste?

They ain't bad, really. Even though they're made with almond butter, they don't taste like an almond cookie. More like a peanut butter / almond butter hybrid. Texture is a bit too crumbly maybe? hm. I'm not sure. I better eat another one now to give a good statement here.

(2 minutes later) They are good! The outside is a bit dry, and the inside is a bit underdone; like the inside of a red bean manju. I've eaten three cookies in an hour, so I don't think I'm staying within my carb numbers today. Oh well. Ah, but these do taste good. I'm typing this up about 45 minutes after baking them, so I can't say how they will be the next day. They are a bit delicate, certainly not cookie jar material. I think they'll have to be carefully placed on a plate, otherwise they will crumble to bits. Of course, eating them solves that problem.

Well, first off, I'm not sure. Here's why: the Carls Jr. Nutritional Info listing. Give it a look.

• The Original Six Dollar Burger®: 58 carbs
• The Low-Carb Six-Dollar Burger®: 7 carbs
• The Guacamole Bacon Six Dollar Burger®: 53 carbs
• The Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger®: 81 carbs
• The Portobello Mushroom Six Dollar Burger™: 52 carbs
• The Jalapeño Six Dollar Burger™: 52 carbs
• The Six Dollar Cheeseburger™: 53 carbs

From a low-carb viewpoint, obviously The Low-Carb Six-Dollar Burger® is the winner at 7 carbs. All the others are at least 52 carbs. But oddly enough, the Original Six Dollar Burger® is 58 carbs. Amongst it's not-low-carb Six Dollar brethren, though, it's pretty high. Only the Western Bacon is higher.

I cannot prove it, but my theory is that The Jalapeño Six Dollar Burger™ is lowest, based on a raw guess that if 58-52=6 (Original - Jalapeno), then a "Jalepeño Low-Carb Six Dollar Burger" (you'd have to ask for that) should be what, one carb? I know that can't possibly be right but I'm thinking it should come up better than their default Low-Carb version.

Homemade bacon 'n eggs

Pork belly in the drying pan

Fry bacon fry!

Slab of bacon, waiting to be sliced

This week I tried my hand at making my own bacon. This turns out to be even easier than making a ham. All one really needs is a pork belly, some salt, and a Tupperware container or something similar. Rather than relist what somebody else has said so much more elequently, here are the instructions I went by to make my own bacon.

So you click that link and give the process a look. What I did specifically was I went sort of crazy on the spices. I parked that pork belly in the fridge for a few days, and each night as I went to pour off the excess liquid, I was overcome with the desire to apply something different. Salt, black pepper, blackstrap molasses, ginger powder, plenty of Splenda, and more.

I don't have photos of the smoking process so you'll just have to read it and use your imagination. I fired up my grill, got the fire low, and put on plenty of hickory chips soaked in water. Using the nice remote temp probe I got as a gift, I waited for the temp to rise to 150°f. It took almost four hours, but reach it at last it did. It smelled very smoky, as it was. I immediately cut off some slices from the slab, and they were ultra-smoked. Okay, I admit I threw on a handful of dry mesquite chips at the end, right on the fire. This made a pungent cloud of smoke indeed, and the bacon is very smoked.

So at the top you see a plate of bacon and eggs. The bacon doesn't taste entirely bacon-y, but is very good nonetheless. Next time I think I will wet cure the meat like a ham. This bacon is good. My only regret is that I lack a rotary slicer to get perfect slices. Thick-cut bacon is okay, but after a while I was craving some nice uniform slices. So, stay tuned, I'm planning on more bacon adventures.

The other day I decided I wanted to make a low-carb ham. Having not a clue on how to go about making my own ham, I googled around and came up with a few different articles on cold curing, which is just what I did. Having acquired a nice ham roast (refers to the cut of pork, not it actually being ham yet), I used the following brining solution, which came out too salty.

Too-salty* ham brine

• 12 cups cold water
• 36 packets Splenda
• 3 cups Morton® Tender Quick®
• 1 tablespoon ground clove
• 1 tablespoon black pepper

Combine all ingredients in a big ol' stock pot. The roast will soak in this stuff for a recommended one day per 2 pounds of pork. Obtain a pork roast, preferably a ham roast. Ask your butcher if in doubt. Tell 'em you are making your own ham. They will know what you need.

The brining process

• Trim off all the excess fat around the edge of the pork.
• I got this tip from a site, but can't find it now. Anyhow, get a meat injector, and shoot a bunch of the brine into the ham, especially around the bone.
• Get a suitable container to submerge that roast in. This must go into your fridge for a few days. Me, I used the plastic marinade bucket which came with our FoodSaver vacuum sealer. I slid the roast into the vacuum canister, and poured in all the brine that would fit, then I vacuum sealed the roast in there. That's me, though. You, you follow the directions on the Tender Quick package. I stuck the whole container into the fridge and let it brine.
• So, the Tender Quick package has brining instructions on it. I let my ham, which was probably 3 pounds, soak for what, 4 days after being vacuum sealed? Yeah. Probably too long. The vacuum sealer probably shortens the amount of time needed in the brine anyway.
• Drain off the brine and refill the container with cold water. Return to the fridge. This will draw out excess salt from the ham. I only did this for a half-hour, and regretted it. Next time I'll let it cold-water soak for a couple hours.


So as you can see the piece of plain boring pork I started out with (not shown) has been transformed into a lovely ham. I cooked it in a dutch oven at 350°f. for 1 hour, and left it in the oven for an additional half-hour.



Sliced up and looking like a good ham should. To me, at least. It was quite good, but certainly too salty. After our first meal, I returned the ham into the cleaned vacuum seal marinade container and filled it with cold water for an overnight salt-extraction soak. The ham had an intense clove flavor, which I will probably tone down next time. I'm thinking of adding in some ginger, too. but for a first ham, I'm very happy.

So that's my first ham. It was quite fun. Now for trying my hand at homemade bacon...

Oh, and the standard disclaimer: This info is presented as entertainment, if you use it, you do so entirely at your own risk.

This is for satisfying a late-night sweet tooth. This will feed one, and you'll be eating it in minutes. No, it ain't pretty, but then, well, you want it now, right? Right.

Ingredients

• 1/2 package cream cheese. What is that, 4 ounces? Yeah.
• 3 packages Splenda (or Nutrasweet)
• 1 egg
• Splash of sugar-free coffee syrup. I like Kahlua flavor, but any flavor will do.
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• sprinkle of cinnamon

Directions

• Get a 2-cup (or larger) Pyrex measuring cup. Toss in a half-package of cream cheese. Use your microwave oven to soften the cream cheese. With my microwave, that means 2 minutes at 20% power.
• Add in all the other stuff. Stir it all up good. You'll want something like a stiff wooden spoon. The consistency will be like lumpy pancake batter. Don't bother trying to get rid of all the lumps.
• Cook in the microwave oven for 5 minutes.
• Don't burn your mouth. Eat it right out of the cup with a spoon.

I did a google search for sugar-free teriyaki sauce, and low-carb teriyaki sauce. Having found a suitable recipe, I had to bump the quantities up a bit and doctor it a tad.

Low-Carb Teriyaki Sauce

• 1 cup soy sauce (Aloha brand, of course)
• 1/4 cup sesame oil
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup rice vinegar
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 tablespoon ginger powder
• 6 packets Splenda (or Nutrasweet)

Directions

Mix it all up. A lot.

If you're wondering why I am using powdered garlic and ginger, the reason is simple. I made this on a whim, and did not have fresh ginger available. Having used powdered ginger, why not use powdered garlic, too?

The taste is lighter than a typical teriyaki sauce. This makes for a great marinade. I used it to marinate thinly sliced roast pork, and it was the best teri pork I had. The first night, it marinated for a half-hour. The next night of course, well, it marinated overnight. Both nights it came out great. Fry up in a pan, serve as you see fit. I found teri pork over raw bean sprouts to be an excellent low-carb dinner.

Disclaimer: This is not investment advice! It's my own personal-yet-public track of TSP moves so I can look back a few years from now and get the answer to the "What on earth was I thinking when I did that?" question.

The last time I did a jump from the "C" to the "G", my timing was bad, bad bad. It was during the bottom of the crash, but of course, nobody really knew when we hit the bottom. Well, that time, it was okay, because I got back into the "C" once the markets stabilized.

So now it's May 2010 instead of the tail of 2008, and the market is starting to take a slide. Contributing factors to the slide include the near-collapse of Greece's economy, and the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Of course, our nation having a jobless rate at about 10% doesn't help either.

For reference, here is a list of historical prices for the DJIA at May 7, 2010, the date my request to transfer from "C" to "G" took place. You'll see the dates prior, too. Market was at 11,000 and above through April, but took a dive. So I figured it was time to wait a bit. Of course now, a week later on May 14th, 2010, the market has rebounded to 10,620. Argh. Maybe I should have stayed in? Eh, hard to say. I can only do two moves per calendar month, so I'm loathe to dive back in while things look unstable; I'd rather wait til' the end of the month when I could make a move, then cross over into June and do a couple moves there too if needed. Ah, there just ain't no crystal ball, is there? Nope. Only time will tell if this move was another case of bad timing or if it was foresight of an impending collapse.

Well, I've been looking to free up some space downstairs, so my beloved Hammond 9822m has moved on to a new happy home for a measly twenty bucks. I had listed it on craigslist a few weeks ago for $40, but had no takers. I relisted it at $20, and had three takers in a few hours.

I have found by experience that the key to getting something sold successfully on craigslist is to be blunt. No drama, no "I'm waiting to get paid". Cash up front, don't bother calling unless you have the money and a truck. So, the first person didn't get back to me on time, bummer; but the next one sure did.

The Hammond went to a guy who is looking forward to tearing into it to fix it up and get it rockin' again. I was happy to know that it will be played and possibly restored to a better state than it's in now. So, the organ moves on to another happy home where it'll be loved on, and should it fall upon hard times, I pray it moves on again to continue it's legacy.

Click to see a few more pics if you want.

Ah, you may have seen this TV before in my other entries. So here's the story: Once upon a time, Sony made this TV for the millionaires of the world. Truly a dream TV. This baby retailed for $10,000 like 20 years ago. We got it with the house when we bought it from my in-laws. No way could we possibly afford something like it. So one day many years ago it broke. I called a repair shop about it, read the model number off to them, and the guy calls me back the next day. He explains how Sony only made a few hundred of these, and flew technicians out to each location to service them when needed. They were truly the Rolls-Royce of TVs. Unlike Rolls-Royce, though, there ain't no more parts for these things. No parts, no TV. So I gutted out the now-dead innards and plugged in a TV in the hole.

So that brings us to March, 2010; five years after the "Fill the hole with a TV" changeout. For my lovely wife's birthday, I got her this flat-screen TV; a 42" Sharp model. Ah, but how to get it in there? The "hole" where the original TV showed through was not wide enough to fit the new TV's width. My only practical choice was to mount the entire flat-screen TV in front of the cabinet, rather than within it. I don't have blueprints, and seeing how this is probably one of the few remaining cabinets of it's type, I don't think you'll need them. So, for those who may want to convert an old bit of TV cabinetry to something modern, here's what I did: I mounted two 1/2" galvanized steel pipes inside of the TV. I did up two 2x4s with u-bolts to mount a swing-arm flat-screen mount to. By loosening the u-bolts, I was able to adjust the TV's vertical positioning. The swing-arm itself allowed me to get easy access to the back of the TV for mounting wires.

Now here's the hard part, the TV was, what $500 or so, but the swing arm alone was $200. Argh! $200 for a mount? The swing arm mount was necessary, though. At least it should survive the TV. I'm sure the next TV will be twice as good and half the price. But for now, the cabinet lives on, and overall, we like the result.